While one definition cannot describe it, I only understood the term autoethnography after reading numerous definitions and excerpts from articles and online sources. For this particular research paper, an autoethnography is the study and analysis of the self using evidence from pervious experiences, especially in writing. Looking through all my writings, I found it somewhat easy to answer the question “What Is I?” Yet, I found that I involves so many elements, and I did not know at first how to connect them all. Eventually, I concluded What Is I? by analyzing my five senses and my writings about them. I am a complex woman with multiple, yet simple, elements. (should i name all of them? there are a lot they are what set off my paragraph).
Just like every essay I have done for this class, I found that my ideas were very last minute. For example, clustering, outlining, and free writing were used to help determine a thesis for the touch and hearing essays. For each of these essays, as well as this autoethnography, I had some fair ideas as a result of those writing aids. Then, I worked for hours on these essays. However, it was not until the very last minute in which I changed my entire paper on a completely different idea. I noticed that for some unknown reason, an idea, better than the one I had just written about, would enlighten me, and I would rewrite my paper despite how much time I had left. It seems to me I am sort of an idealist. I hate to write papers that have little meaning to me. Consequently, writing with passion results in more benefits than writing monotonously. Not only is it easier to write, but often results in good grades, and of course, a satisfied feeling. Even from high school and kindergarten, I can recall doing things over again and again until I thought it was done right, not perfect. I think I like to work for an ideal solution which would classify me as an academic idealist.
Reading back to my very fist blog entry in response to an article entitled “What Is I?”, I found that while I still agreed with my idea, I feel as if I should have explained it better (Another piece of evidence of my strive for the ideal paper). In response to the article, I proposed that while there is diversity among every culture, everyone is basically the same person. I even went as far as to explain how Adolf Hitler and Jesus Christ were similar, not to be offensive, but to prove my point. I described how they were opposite figures, but basically were identical in carrying out actions and intents. While Hitler was evil and spread hate, Jesus was heavenly spreading love. Each figure had power, used that power to spread their message, and had an everlasting effect on mankind. Not that every ordinary person achieves this, but everyone lives, thinks, portrays emotions, and acts. In essence, when stripped away of the elements of what makes one different from another, everyone is the same! But I did not mention in my paper that the elements which make an individual different from another are multiple. I do agree with Hayao Kawai in that answering the question What Is I? is difficult, perhaps on the border of incomprehensible. Writing this paper actually took a good amount of time in which I had to think deeply, more deeply than my average day of thinking. In addition, my poem titled “The Art of Pondering” is short in length, but deep in cognition. These two blog entries reveal that I love to think and write deeply. In the second blog entry of What Is I, I comment that I can hear myself think in my head. In fact, I cannot recollect a time where I did not think about something or someone. Frequently, I find myself lying in bed with every part of my body at rest except my mind. It is like an out of control movie reel playing picture after picture. According to my writings and experiences, I enjoy the intellectual side of life.
Another evident characteristic is my imagination. Even as a little girl, I could play for hours with a simple object, or none at all. Even today, my imaginations are complex and exciting in which I could literally spend hours thinking about. For one blog entry, I wrote a poem about the sense of smelling. Instead of writing a boring essay, I decided to write something I have not written in a while, such as a poem. While this was a creative move, I think it also involved my imagination. I imagined everything my nose does, as if it were a person and had human qualities. Then, I could write as if it were a friend which would give it meaning, more so than saying plainly why it is important to me. Another blog entry which required an imagination was the random picture entry. When given a random picture, I was told to think of a story that related to the image. My image portrayed a scene in which a mass of people were attacked by mysterious figures. I easily and quickly came up with an intricate story line, and if I was allowed more time, I could have written pages and pages while other students expressed confusion or a blank mind. Imagination is a trait that I value. In fact, Albert Einstein once said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” Imagination not only helps me academically and creatively, but I believe it keeps me young in this world of responsibility and growing up.
Next, I am a person who loves and appreciates nature. In my essay, “The End of Land” I describe a vacation to Delaware Beach. Through the five senses, I explained everything I experienced. Reading this essay, the viewer can clearly see I enjoyed the beach and miss it terribly. In reality, I love every form of nature. Being part Native American, I took pride in my heritage, although very small, and read all I could about their culture. They, too, appreciate nature greatly and treat her with respect, as do I. Whenever I was stressed or just plain bored, I would walk down into the woods near by my house. Nature just makes me feel relaxed and spiritual. She is so precious, pure, and impossible to remake. So when hundreds of trees are destroyed for a new building or a car dealership, it makes me sick to my stomach to think how carelessly and greedy their actions are. Do they not know that Nature is not man made and that once it is gone it is gone forever? Do they not know how many animals homes’ they ruined? More importantly is the issue of global warming. Not only will it affect nature, but it will also affect human life. Overall, I am a nature lover.
Another love I have is music. My blog entry, “Hearing Dreams”, is about my reaction to music, specifically to a band called the Grateful Dead. I described how the music was a catalyst for visual day dreams I conjured in my mind. Also, I wrote an essay about the effects of music mentally, emotionally, and physically. I entitled this one “The Sound Of Music”. Both of these essays are evidence for my love of music. My past and present are deeply rooted with music. As a little girl, I began to play the clarinet at age nine. At age eleven I began to play the keyboard, and at age 15 I began to play the guitar. My father owned a record played with countless records of the Beatles, Genesis, the Allman Brothers, and bands alike. So, I would take these records and listen to them while my dad was working his job. At school, I would take singing lessons. In addition, I listened to music every chance I could get. Today, I continue singing and playing guitar. Overall, music is a huge part of my life and could not imagine living with out it. Music is life. I think it is important for everyone to learn some sort of music. Music retains so many powers (some which I noted in my essay, “The Sound of Music”) such as connection and unity. Despite differences, music can bring people together. My instrumental background gave me a clear understanding and appreciation for music.
Though shown little in my writing, I believe I am mature for my age. In my blog about vision, I wrote what I see here at Indiana University of Pennsylvania. Particularly, I saw “some intoxicate themselves with a popular substance whose curse makes the victim act in idiotic and usually degrading way, without the slightest remembrance.” While I am delighted to spend time with my friends, I think I rise above the “party” factor. While I do enjoy a drink now and then, I never drink to the point of acting ridiculous or passing out. I definitely prioritize academics before partying. Looking at other factors of my life, I can see maturity there too. For example, I have had a job since I was 15 and unlike most teenage workers, my bosses always took notice of my hard working skills. My parents raised me well in which they taught me the value of hard work. My father always said, “If your going to do a job, do it right.” Many times, I worked at a place where I believed I worked much harder than some of those who were older than I was. When I arrived here at IUP, I immediately found a job. I am not at all spoiled like some students here because I work to support myself. Even though my parents are helping me tremendously, I pay for my books, laundry, food, etc. Because of my maturity, I think I would be able to live on my own. All in all, while I still have the heart of a child, I am mature for my age.
